Dealing with Fear... OK, Panic!

One of my friends shared a model with me called the PEP, or Panic-Elation-Panic cycle several years ago. If anyone knows who to attribute this to so we can thank them, please share, because I have used it often over the years – almost all of my clients going through big changes have been able to relate to it, and it helped them calm down and move forward when they started panicking. Here’s how it goes:

Panic: I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m crazy! I’m never going to be able to make this work. What was I thinking?
Elation: But OMG I’m DOING this! I’m going after my dream – I’m MAKING it happen – this is SO amazing – and if it works just IMAGINE what life will be like!
Panic: I’m crazy! There’s no way I can do this. What was I thinking?!? I’m not going to be able to make this happen, I’m going to lose everything, and take my family down with me – what was I thinking, (insert your own explicative)!!!

The entire cycle can be experienced in a matter of one or two minutes – it’s that fast, and it feels like you are on an emotional rollercoaster.

The good news: You’re not crazy. Anyone who has the courage to make a BIG change, like starting a new business, changing careers, or anything else that forces you to push outside of your comfort zone will experience the cycle.

The bad news: Fasten your seatbelt – it’s not going away anytime soon.

This is because you simply don’t know what will happen. You don’t have any guarantees. Even if you work really hard you might not succeed. So of course fear is normal.

One of my favorite books about fear is by Susan Jeffers: Fear the Fear and Do it Anyway. I read it ten years ago and there are two key concepts I still remember and use today:

1. The thinking process that drives fear is generally some version of : “If X happens, I won’t be able to handle it” So the anecdote is to force yourself to face the fear and ask yourself, “If X happens, how will I handle it?” What this gives you back is a sense of control and competence. You may not WANT X to happen, but if you have a plan you have some control back, and that lowers the fear.

2. You can’t make a wrong decision. Some people are afraid if they decide to move forward and then end up failing it will be the “wrong decision”. So they don’t move forward since it’s impossible to really know if you will fail or succeed. Susan has a great model in her book that shows how every decision you make can have a positive outcome. For example, if you decide to try starting a business and two years later you find that you’ve lost your money and have to go and get a “real” job, you most likely will still have gained learning, skills, and character – and these traits come with you, whatever you do next.

Fear is a big part of change, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing, and there are ways to manage it. If you’ve been thinking of making a BIG change in your life, don’t let fear hold you back. Bring it up, look at it straight on, and ask yourself, “How will I handle it?”